"It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get." - Confucius

"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." - Confucius

These are quotes which I hold near and dear to my heart. I've followed these for most of my life and have, for the most part, always been happy doing so. However, I didn't realize that, even though I was moving, and trying my best, I was going the wrong direction the whole time.

For the past month, I have lost much. I will not go into too much detail, as I do not want to potentially upset parties involved, however I will say that those things I have lost, I've always considered to be the most important things n my life. Since I've lost them, I've felt empty inside. I haven’t really felt sad, just empty, like there is a hole in my heart which leads to purgatory.

In past years, in times like this, I would be depressed, completely lost in my self pity and ignorant to everything else around me. This time though, I feel strange. Though I do feel somewhat lost and confused, I feel as though there is a light. I can't really see this light... I can just feel it... and it is compelling me to keep moving. It seems to be guiding me along the way. Also, it feels as though all those things which I would normally ignore are now making their presence felt, stronger than when I do try to concentrate on them.

Though I've lost that which I hold dearest to my heart, I can feel a strange warmth around me. It's something new to me given the circumstances. No matter how much I miss that thing, I cannot feel sadness. Something keeps telling me to smile and to be strong. It is giving me inspiration and motivation that I've been searching for my whole life. Most importantly, it is showing me that there is still real hope in regaining that which I have lost with much patience, virtue, sincerity and effort.

It is a wonderful feeling, something that I hope everyone gets to feel for themselves...

As previously stated, I am currently being overtaken by the inspiration and motivation which had laid dormant previously.

I have become very focused and have been presented with many challenges. All of which make me smirk with anticipation of meeting... no... completely obliterating said challenges.

Among these challenges are dreams, self discovery, basic life goals and lustration. The first of said challenges, discovering who I am and coming to a satisfying conclusion as to why I exist, has already been met and buried. Now I am eager to take on the next challenge.

In two days I will be moving back to my hometown of Moscow, Pennsylvania from my current residence in Los Angeles. I am now looking to be reborn and start new. I am transferring my job, classes and material possessions back home, but I'm leaving my old self, the self I once mistakenly believed I was, behind.

Soon I will start a business of my own. My ultimate goal is to use the profits from my future business to help those in need. Children who cannot afford adequate food and water... families who are unwillingly pushed to live on the streets... people who fight incurable, fatal or life altering diseases, illnesses or deformities every day of their lives who just want to know what it feels like to laugh once... All of these people, and everyone less fortunate than myself all deserve to feel the embrace or friendship and love that we all have, but most are too ignorant or full of pride to give. If I can just help one person... give one of said people a chance to smile and laugh carefree... a chance to feel those things which we all take for granted... my life will feel complete.

I can only hope that everyone can feel what I'm feeling right now, at least for a moment... It is something that I never want to forget.

Before I end this journal, I have a message for someone out there who I know is reading this. You know who you are. I want to thank you for always being there for me, and let you know that no matter what happens in our lives, no matter how bad or good things seem, I will never leave your side. I will show you the same love, support and friendship you have shown me. Now and forever. Thank you. I believe you to be that light which is guiding me out of the confusion and darkness which crowds the depths of my mind. Remember when I once told you, that your smile alone can brighten the world? Well now I’m sure it can brighten more than just the world. It brightens existence as well. Thank you for your smiles. I look forward to making more beautiful memories with you in the future.

With that, I must now end this entry. Thank you to those who care enough to have read through my text. It means a lot to me.